...........

words have also left me all alone tonight...
I do not know what it is that i really fight..
only tears i own...they are with me...
they take away a little pain.....i can no longer see...
i know it so well...this pain that pains..
i have heard the thundering skies...mercilessly it rains...
let me fly high...never ever to return...
let me not think,yearn...dream or discern...
let me be all alone....wandering without a destination..
without direction or judgement..let me own the thoughless definition..
i will not surrender ..i will rather in arrogance meet..
the darkness that grows within....my inner defeat...
nothing more to write...no words to express..
no more pain to hide ...no anguish to supress..
i have met and known them all...pain...darkness and fears...
i have seen how reality dissolves dreams...in those incessant tears...
i plead you to send them all away...for a while let me rest...
this fear that kills my dreams....this is my submission to its conquest....

BE WITH ME...

"..I leave my prayers to him alone,
whose will is wiser than my own."

hold my hand ..so that i do not fall down as i walk
hear me speak when i do not have the words to talk..
do not crush the fallen leaves under your feet...
be with me always...until we shall finally meet...
tell me where do i go..and why...
i fail to understand it all...though i often try..
i do not know the beginning and the end to it all...
that sinking feeling in my heart...as i fall....
the darkness which surrounds me...from outside and within..
the inner silence that echoes in my ears...despite the outside din...
dissolve them together...darkness and light..
indistinguishable now...the bleak and the bright...
the sad smile...laughter and pain...
tears flowing....the rhythm of rain...
the "nothingness" in everything..
the meaning in something...
the sharp bend i cannot see...
moments along the way which haunt me...
in definitions i do not know...
in thoughts that were lost somewhere in the flow...
in what i can perceive and what i cannot see...
in right and wrong...in every moment....."be with me"....

A REMEMBRANCE.........

smriti
The remembrance of someone or something....
a particular fragrance...a thought..a song..or a painting....
that brings back some thoughts lost somewhere within memories.....
like the sweet narration of nursery rhymes and forgotten childhood stories...

I remember....The smell of crayons in my hands..
The mud-palaces made in the sands..

The rusted chains of the swing and that attempt to reach the moon...
never did i know those days would pass-by so soon....
i often search for that silly little girl...who left me all alone...
i thought she would always be by me....but now i find her gone....
i want to collect together some things that i left behind..
in memory of those little pleasures that i will never again find,


its difficult to put in words...what it is all about...
in the attempt to see things in that utopian perspective...i shall fail beyond doubt

Its about... crying breathlessly and not knowing the value of tears..
being in a small ,simple world of your own...sans any fears..
its about..... getting hurt very easily and yet not knowing what is real pain
making paper boats that are sure to sink...and still..dancing about in the rain...
its about.........simplicity ..and a complete absence of complexity...
about ignorance and bliss...that oblivion which "should have been" unto infinity....

I remember... the little doll with big eyes....
the twinking stars high up above in the skies....

Its about... having lots of pencils and still not knowing how to write..
not knowing how words can hurt...easily forgetting the last days' fight..
its about......purity of thought ..and a warmth in the air..that can never again be found
amidst those deafening shouts... that unperturbed laughter that would resound...
its about......always being taught what is right and what is wrong..
yet knowing it better than so many others...the perfect tune of life's song...

i remember...the desire to own chalks of all colours that exist..
not caring whether dreams will ever become reality...having a long wish list.....


its about .......a me and a you...that is now no more....
its about how time changes...and waves fail to define the shore...
its about memories then....which will also soon fade away...
like broken toys .....forgotten friends....and "unmoulded" clay......

I remember......dreams left far behind...
happiness i will never again find...

Deep within...i still yearn for it....to feel once again the rainbathed earth on which I stood,
I long for smelling the wet sand....i long to relive that bygone childhood...