A DREAM NEVER SEEN...

However hard I try ..they come back to make me feel new each time..
However much I forget ...I am always reinstated into the search for the sublime..

I have some vision in my mind..I have some goal in my eyes..
A childishly mischievous..maturely rebellious passion that an outer calm belies
A haunting sketch of the shape of a dream in a blur
An all-governing emotion to which I completely surrender..

A quest..a journey ...an unknown destination
A step...a pause....an effort towards disambiguation
A mirage ...that enamors me since forever
A strange..eerie..sense of a beautiful possibility in a never

I cannot explain..I do not know
The what and why of it all..as my boat the winds row..
sometimes I forget..this bigger picture I see
and then again it comes back ...hurling questions at me..

I know just this..that I do not belong..
I have to carve in conviction..the words of my own song
I have to judge only myself..and be my special friend.
I have to find you through this dream..I just have to comprehend..

To remind me again and again...you throw the charms once more.
I regret having lost sight of you...I regret my ignorance of what is in store..
But when I know that you are there...
love , anger, tears and smiles..all of mine to share..
Then I am ready to struggle and find my meaning
my steps prepared to register in each day..a new beginning

Just to let you know..some thoughts are painful..
others plain distracting..but some.. purely beautiful...
my past visits me sometimes..just to blow off some sand..
I let the strewn sand just be..I neither question nor demand..

and..then..this sight comes unannounced ...and wakes me from this thoughtful sleep
I break away from the shackles of the negative..for a look into the real deep..
A voice calls me..a picture wants to be painted..
A road beckons me.... reality secretly urges to be tainted..

just the right thought..just the right devotion
honest true sacred...just the right emotion..
I know I still cannot fathom the depth ..as the empty pages I peruse..
But each day...I live with a beautiful solitude..in companionship of an undefinable muse

it elevates me beyond myself..it urges me look ahead
it binds all my restlessness magically..into a single thread..
Bind me through all my days..never leave me feeling insecure
With all the strength and conviction you lend me..I know there is more I can endure..

Live on...
even after I am gone long
color everything the way you paint my world..
with the shades of beauty you bring along..

May I never lose sight of me and you,
May all my vows to myself I never undo
A equanimity to govern me..a strong passion to its behest
a little gratitude each day..and a purpose to invest

for the enchanting realm which a half baked persistence of thought takes me to..
I am grateful for all the inexplicable definitions the indefinite imbue..
For long struggles and victories in lands to which I have never been
My gratitude for the bewitching trance of a dream never seen.

CONFLUENCE..

"I am like a remnant of a cloud of autumn uselessly roaming in the sky ; O sun ever-glorious ! Thy touch has not yet melted my vapour, making me one with light, and thus I count months and years separated from thee.
If this be thy wish and if this be thy play , then take this fleeting emptiness of mine, paint it with colors, gild it with gold, float it on the wanton wind and spread it in varied wonders.And again when it shall be thy wish to end this play at night, I shall melt and vanish away in the dark, or it may be in a smile of the white morning, in a coolness of purity transparent."

~from Geetanjali(Rabindranath Tagore)

Confluence :(n) meeting ;a place where things merge or flow together .


Walking the line between a dreamy perfection and a practical compulsion ,
Amidst the struggle to convince a rebelling intuition
I listen on sometimes...numb in mind,sans any defence
amazed at my tolerance of the inner "incongruence".

Millions of thoughts-dreams , hopes, regrets , fear , anticipation
The never ending attempt to bind these to a single definition
To harmonize , to align
To conquer and to a peace forever resign.

The azure of the sky , the different shades that it takes ,
The kaliedoscope of distinction collapses and then the white it makes.
I wonder if a million more shades are evoked by each reflection
I admit to only a number..limited by my human perception
As colors blend into one another
Hues are born , Shades meet and wither

The flourishing night and the fading sunlight,
Each day..meet at twilight
The silent conversation at dusk...that concludes the sunshine for the day,
Stars congregate to adorn the gathering ..the rendezvous with the last ray
Unfailingly each day...in a divine rhythm they meet
To weave the cosmic conspiracy..darkness and light greet

the rhythmic movement of fingers to the tune the mind creates,
In anticipation of the next note..at resonance the peak vacillates
the aural communication , a coordination beyond recognition
free flow of the indefinite..sound in a servile submission
the deliverance of emotions, the acme of intensity ,
A beautiful concourse of sounds..euphony in stark simplicity .

When rivers meet and merge into a third entity
A transparency shared..the waters fabricate a new identity
At the ocean's threshold , the unruly waters bow in deference
Since the beginning of time..this has been..the final confluence..

But the insoluble and the soluble distinguish
Water and Oil ...to each other never relinquish
The gracefully careless movement of oil on the surface of water
A boundary preserved...in meeting with the other..
On the far end , the dissolution into the similar with a spontaneous belongingness
In a casual greeting , the forged bond of oneness
this is how a tiny droplet grows
each time ...the dynamic stability of a perfect sphere shows

If an inner harmony could be so created
In tune , in sync.. the restlessness abated
If a rhythm could bind ,if a convolution could hold
The inundated emotions that flood the mind...as my days unfold

grant me..the freedom of water , the solitude of stars
The colors from the sunset ...the fragrance of flowers..
Let me touch once, let me fly
The hallowed corridors of your abode..the lights that graze the sky.

Between the conscious and subconscious
Through the free flowing and the maligned viscous..
across dreams and reality..between now and eternity..
a mere bubble of ignorance exists..
from the cauldron of illusion...smoky visions persist...
vanquish the duality that this brings..
lend me my own independence of divine wings..
command all these contradictions to meet and forever dissolve
Lead me to light..to renew..to absolve
The precise balance in merging and dissolution
that can demystify reality with an enlightening justification

With a single blessing , an inspiration ..a casual whim of your divine influence ...
Resolve my inner conundrum ..lead me to a sacred "confluence"..